markofthebrave | [ Action, Voice ] .037

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[ Action, Voice ] .037

['sup, Luceti. Hope you're not the curious type of person, because if you are the filter on this is so thin you could sneeze and break it. Someone is singing, this early afternoon, singing a lullaby softly and into their journal. The feed will cut off before the crying starts.]

Little child, be not afraid...

[Later in the afternoon, there is an unfamiliar woman with a familiar set of blue-toned wings and waterskin at the south-most bridge. There's only so much hiding in one's room that can be done when the memories are thick and the silence is very, very loud.]

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[That one he has to laugh at - a first, since he's been walking around like this. Asuma had a booming laugh, which sounds exactly like he remembers it. It makes him grin.]

Okay, so that would be awkward.

[And sometimes, Katara smiles and says the first thing that comes into her head.]

He has a nice laugh - your sensei. I don't think I ever heard Master Pakku laugh.

[He's careful with his phrasing. This isn't a good day to have to explain that the skin he's wearing belongs to a dead man.]

One of those guys with a stick up their ass, huh? There were a few of those back home too. My team was lucky to get someone more easy-going like Asuma-sensei.

['Stick up their ass?' Katara would never use that language. In fact, I'm not sure she even knows what that means, and her eyes widen a little bit as she sorts that out.]

I can't imagine you learning too much with someone who wasn't laid back. I was just happy to find someone to teach me. [There's a certain weight in her voice and her hands still - her mother's hands - the one who died so she could live and learn to bend and.... she exhales quietly.]

And Master Pakku was very good.

From what I've seen from you, I'd think he'd have to be.

[There's a story behind that, he can tell, but he'll save his questions for another time. No more toeing into the past than necessary today.]

[...yes, well. After all that... She'd better be.

She needs to look up from her mother's hands.

She needs to look up from her mother's hands now.]

Is it weird suddenly being so tall?

[He knows a subject change when he sees one. He'll indulge - for now.]

Not as much as you'd think. [He's henged into taller forms before, after all. Shikamaru goes to scratch at his chin, then frowns.] The beard though... that's kinda weird.

[He doesn't think he'll ever have so much facial hair, even if he lives to be as old as Asuma was.]

Sokka likes them. [She shrugs.] I don't get it.

[We can totally talk about nothing forever, right?]

[Not quite.]

Seems more troublesome than it's worth. I feel like something's crawling on my face. [Another scratch.]

How about you? Aa - no beard, obviously.

No, no beard.

[I'm sorry, were you trying to make this conversation go somewhere?]

But she was a little taller than I am.

[...she doesn't even notice that she's using the past tense there.]

[Yes, yes he was. And he can only beat around the bush for so long.]

How long's she been gone?

[There's a soft gasp and an instinctive:] How did you know?

[She didn't think she'd ever said anything to him about her mom. But if you give her a minute, she'll realize that everything he needs to know to piece it together is in this post.]

I put it together. [He knows he doesn't need to explain it; the lullaby and their entire conversation is evidence enough.]

[...yeah, she can see how that would be possible now.]

I was eight.

[That's a bad age to lose a parent. Not that there's any good age for something like that to happen, but he remembers the kids at school - from both when he was attending and when he came back to help teach there. Only a small handful of them had two living parents.]

It's harder when you're younger. I can't speak from experience, but I know how that works. I'm sorry you had to grow up without her.

[But this isn't a pity party. His tone doesn't change; he's not chastising her. Her behavior can be very telling, but he doesn't know her like he knows his friends; like he knows Chouji or Ino or Naruto.]

That was a long time ago, though, wasn't it?

[...that was a long time ago?

And - painfully aware that he'd heard what she intended to be private, Katara can't see this sort of question as an innocent statement.]

...just what are you trying to say?

[He folds his arms over his chest, focusing on the table his journal is lying against.]

I can't understand everything you've been through, and I'm not going to try. It'd be like comparing apples and oranges. But I do know that there comes a point where you have to stop holding onto something if you want to move forward.

[When Shikamaru looks back to the journal, there's still nothing critical in his tone.]

Your mom died. That sucks, and it might never stop hurting. But a lot of things have happened since then, and you're not a little kid anymore. You've grown up and you've got other things to worry about. Do you think your mom would want this to be one of them?

[That pricks at some pride, but there's nothing condemning about his tone.]

I know she wouldn't.

[There's a pause here as she reflects - this conversation would be so much easier in person. There's a natural reticence to what she'll say that's private over the journals, even if this filter is completely private now. That and - even though she knows who it is - she's talking with a stranger's face.]

I know you're saying this because you heard me this morning... and I wasn't in very good shape then. But I've had all day like this now. I won't let the Malnosso take the memories I have of someone who was precious to me and use it to hurt me. Not when I know that would be the last thing she would want.

...it's hard. Not just seeing her like this, but being her - what they're doing isn't right. And this isn't the first time they've done something like this to me. What happened to her... is never something I can just forgive. [And until I've faced the man who did this to her... it's not something I can just let go.]

But that doesn't mean it's not something I can't reach beyond. Even like this.. how could I do anything less? I won't let her down. [Because Katara has always felt, when her mom died, that all of her responsibilities were transferred on to her.] Especially not in her body.

[He listens quietly, face impassive. When she finishes speaking though, he has to grin.]

I never said you had to forgive anything. Reaching past it though - that's a good step. This world's just like any other; you leave a wound open like that and it's going to poke at it.

When you can walk away [Not burying it forever, no; just leaving it when you have to] from something like that though, then you're doing good by her memory. I'm glad you didn't really need me to tell you that after all.

[It's that not-quite civilian quality again. He needs to get used to the idea that she never seems to be just one or the other.]

[...there is something distinctly refreshing about being told that she didn't have to forgive. Zuko had been accepting of her decision, she knew. But Sokka... Aang... she could still feel the weight of their expectations.

And there's something nice, too, about hearing his reasoning further explained. Katara doesn't believe in hiding the way that she feels - but she also doesn't see the sense of exposing a vulnerability unless she has something to gain from it.]

I appreciate the thought behind it, anyway.

Anytime. [He can relate. He just doesn't realize how far.]

But I've bothered you enough for one night, I think. From the sounds of it you've had a long day.

You're not a bother, Shikamaru. [And she smiles a little.] But it has been a long day. I'm glad you and Chouji are both back to being human again, though.

Heh. It wasn't so bad on my end. I kinda liked it... [The 'better' goes unsaid.] But probably for the best.

A cloud, right? [Katara's not sure she would have enjoyed the helplessness of that, but she's glad Shikamaru didn't seem to mind.]

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