markofthebrave | [ Action, Written ] .052

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[ Action, Written ] .052

[Filtered 100 percent AWAY from: Sokka, Toph, Zuko, Yue, Suki, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Shino, Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Trafalgar, Nami, Sanji, Luffy, Chopper, and anyone else she thinks might recognize her handwriting, despite the pains she's going to in order to disguise it, or show the journal to people she really doesn't want to see this - Raine and Temari and Iroh.

All replies will be written unless stated otherwise. The camera is obscured by a wrapped around piece of brown cloth.]

Do you think that there's such a thing as a power that is wrong, not because of how it's used, but just because of what it does?

[After staying holed up in her room with the door shut - quite an unusual break of habit for her - Katara decides to head into town. She wants to check out that night club that she'd heard about - she heard there would be music!

From there it's the usual errands, like the grocery store and the Item Shop. Dinner tonight will be Something Spicy, but she hasn't figured out what yet. Maybe it'll help get Sokka out of his funk.]

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['If I'm right.'

She appreciates his confidence. She'd like to take him at his word. But as she's said - she's trying to understand. There's so much more riding on this than if she keeps her mouth shut about Itachi or not. She knows what Sokka - what even Aang would tell her, what Hakoda would tell her if she'd told them all that she knew about these, her friends. They'd want her to get up and walk away and not look back - and let that be her final word. Nothing. Silence between them forever.

But Katara was never one to go along with any decision she didn't wholeheartedly agree with. Her tone isn't confrontational, it's probing. She really is trying to understand.

Her heart feels heavy.]

What makes you so sure?

I've worked under her several times. I've seen her refuse to give the order to kill one man, someone who I can tell you without a doubt does deserve it. All because two kids who call her Hokage don't want to give up on him.

If she can't do that, she wouldn't allow anything worse to happen.

[She leans forward and lightly loops her arms around her knees, tucking them up and in slightly towards her chest in the sitting posture which most resembles the fetal position.

She makes herself stop and listen.

Chouji and I went on a date while you were mallynapped, did he tell you? How can you expect me to keep lying to him? And Sokka...

She believes his analogy. Maybe she shouldn't. Maybe she should ask what happens if no one believed in the family she was to kill. But she doesn't. She doesn't even think it. She wants to believe him. She doesn't want to think that she was so wrong again. For a very brief moment, Katara's eyes close in pain.

This isn't all of it. There was still the question of their powers, of what their powers did. But she was so tired of problems she couldn't fight...]

I hope not.

...I questioned it, when I first found out. If she would or not. Her and my old- my dad. [Pause.] He's the Jonin Commander, so.

[So he has the authority. And both him and Tsunade... he wondered at one point, if they had been told. Felt it twist in his gut until it made him sick. Physically sick. But.]

But I was upset, and I was scared, and I let that get to me. I wasn't thinking with my head then, and that's what all of my friends - what Chouji and Ino and a lot of other people - count on me to do.

That's what I'm doing for them now. Because telling them this would hurt them, maybe more than it hurt me. And it's a problem that will just grow bigger and bigger if other people from home show up someday.

So no. I don't think it's better to talk about it and decide what to do from there. Once it gets out, there's never going to be an end to it.

[Katara listens. And she wants to help him. That's her natural inclination, to rush forward and tell someone she cares about not to worry, of course she'll do whatever impossible thing she has to do to make it better... if she is convinced that they are right. And she isn't. And her loyalty isn't just to Shikamaru here. It's to Chouji, it's to the truth - and how would Chouji feel if he found out they'd both been lying to him, that they'd gone through all this without even telling him?

...he'd probably be upset. For about a minute. She knew how important Shikamaru was to him. He'd be less upset at Shikamaru for not telling him and more upset at what it was he discovered. She is not sure he would forgive her for keeping a secret so easily. She is less sure he would forgive her for telling him against Shikamaru's wishes.

But she would. If she thought it was right. Right now, she's not sure. She already acknowledged Shikamaru's nominal authority and responsibility for the others from his world. Would she be doing right by listening to him just because of that? No. But she would be doing wrong if she didn't give that due consideration.]

...I am not comfortable keeping this a secret. It was hard enough just waiting to talk to you first. But - [she looks down for a second, then back up] - I don't know what's happening with Chouji and me. But whatever it is, how could I let myself get any closer to him while I'm lying? And Sokka... you know I told him about Itachi. He's not part of your village, he's my brother. Keeping something like this from him - we don't keep these kinds of secrets, Shikamaru.

[He may note, however, that these are objections, not outright refusal. She doesn't want to break Sokka or Chouji's trust. But even Chouji's she could bare - if she had to - but this isn't something worth risking her relationship with her brother over. He'd already been upset enough when she hadn't told him about Chouji. She couldn't imagine how he'd feel about something like this.]

[He's... really not comfortable with Sokka knowing. Not because he doesn't think he can be trusted - he's kept quiet on giving him that list of names, after all - but because they don't know each other well enough to trust each other. There's very different perceptions of what's right, and what's wrong.

But all the same, he gets it. Everything he knows about Katara, and her relationship with her brother, points to it. And had it been some weighty secret from her world, and her in his shoes instead, wouldn't he feel the same way?]

I understand. [And at the same time, he can't let it happen.] ...and I'm sorry you were put in this position in the first place. It's unfair to you.

[And there is just a touch of contempt in the last sentence, because even if Law knew, why would he do that? It's not as if Katara regularly runs into Itachi - and the last time she did involved special circumstances.

It would've been enough to let them both go on their way. You don't need to stir a pot when the water's cool. And now it puts him in a position he didn't want to be in either, though if it happened he'd always expected it would be with someone from home.]

This was a secret for a reason, though. Can you at least take more time to consider it?

[She frowns a little.] There's nothing unfair about being told the truth. It's just... a terrible truth to be responsible for knowing.

[She wants to be able to help. She wants to be able to offer him something. But... she's not sure what she can.

It's a terrible truth for him to be responsible for knowing too.]

What's left to consider?

[It's an honest question. She doesn't want to be the one to tell Chouji this, but... what can she do? How can she move forward and lie to him? ...and how could she just ignore him?

When it comes to Sokka... she's not sure there's anything left to consider. This isn't the sort of thing she can keep from him.]

What could happen if you do; consequences you might not have anticipated before. [They're still thinking so much on just the little picture here.]

Maybe telling Sokka isn't so bad... but you've been here longer than me. You know how this place works. The Malnosso mess with us - the experiments and the drafts. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

[...she doesn't see your point, man.]

I know that there's only so much that we can control, and there's here than in other places. That's why it's so important that we're able to trust each other; that's why it's so important that when there's something we know we can do that's right, we do it.

You do. Would you trust everyone you've ever met with that kind of information?

I'm not talking about telling everyone.

You don't have to. All you'd have to do is think about it at the wrong time.

There's been experiments here before, hasn't there? [He remembers, vaguely. He was shorter then, trying to angle his head up to see a bubble over a tall man's head.] Where people's thoughts appeared over their heads, where anyone could see them. And every person who knows doubles those chances.

[She sighs.] I've already thought about this more than...

[And she trails off.] I don't think that thinking about it any longer will change my mind. [A light pause] He'll hate that I even waited this long. [And Chouji...]

...but I have to take what you're telling me into consideration too. I understand that if I tell Chouji it puts you in a bad position, and I don't want to do that. And if I don't tell him, I don't know what I'm going to have to do...

I understand that you feel responsible for this information if it gets out... I'll think about it. And I'll let you know first, if I go through with it or if I change my mind.

['Have to do...'?]

Thanks. So long as you don't decide until you're sure.

[It gives him time to plan, at least. In the event she decides to talk. Later. When his head isn't pounding.]

That's all I ask.

[A fleeting smile.] When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

[Although right now she feels... very far away. From him, from Chouji, and even from Sokka. She knows what 'the right thing to do' is - walking away, shouting it from the heavens, severing her friendship with them entirely.

But Shikamaru's not responsible for what his village leaders decided.

And despite the order, Itachi still made his choice.

And they have a new leader now.

So many excuses, to do what she wants to do instead of what's 'right'... her gaze drops from his and she stares hard at the ground and waits for him to go.]

[None's returned.] All right.

[A part of him doesn't want to go. The next time they meet, he realizes it could be with irreconcilable differences in opinion, and that he might have to sever a friendship that took so long for him to admit he had.

Someday, that sensitivity will get beaten out of him. He'll do it himself, if it comes to it.

So Shikamaru stands and moves to walk past her. He lets a hand drop on her shoulder, firm for only a moment before he continues on, hands fishing around in his pockets for a cigarette, and a lighter. What would Asuma do about this, he wonders...]

See you around, Katara.

[He doesn't look back.]

[He leaves.

Katara wraps her arms around her legs and pulls her knees up to her chest.

She shuts her eyes tightly and focuses on the flow of the river.]

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[ Action, Written ] .052

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