markofthebrave | [ Action, Voice ] .060

[ Action, Voice ] .060

[Katara hadn't been sleeping well to begin with, the moon was full and bright and her blood was restless - at least, that was her excuse. The truth of the matter was that ever since Masaomi, and then Aang had confessed, she hadn't known peace. It was manifesting in shallow sleep, in more determined than genuine cheer. So when the moon woke her - it was so bright tonight, like one of Luceti's streetlights - she tossed and turned futilely before getting up.

She dressed quietly, making sure to take the 'holy water' waterskin, and walked along the river. Though the way she was feeling, the holy water would be the last recourse if confronted with the vampire. She felt like unleashing the full power of the river on something. Her neck prickled, restless, tense, practically itching for the excuse to focus all her agitation into a fight, a sanctified, no holds barred clash of water and strength and agility, a focus, a clarity so that she wouldn't have to worry about her torn heart, or the hearts of those she loved anymore.

She'd go on a mission, if she thought it would help. But she didn't want to have to kill anyone. And Aang was here. ...and she especially didn't want to have to kill anyone while Aang was here.

Eventually, she reached the Southern Lake and stood, staring at the moon and its reflection for long moments. The serenity of the scene failed to soothe her and with a loud "HAH!" she shifted form and tore a burst of water straight through the surface of the lake until it towered as high as the trees before she abruptly pulled it back and up, catching it before it crested the edge of the lake and turning the raised water into a thousand smaller drops.

She felt a little better, until she noticed all the lakeside creatures she'd stirred to life with her childish display. Lightly ashamed of herself, she moved to sit by one of the slides she and the first Toph had constructed, contenting herself with shattering the lake's serenity with a handful of pebbles every now and again.]

[After a late night out, Katara slept in to nearly noon this Saturday... morningish. It felt good. She didn't have a shift in the Med Lab today, so today was a day for... errands. Study and maybe some time on the koto and running into town to make sure she had as much as she needed for dinner, but... she also had time to address the journal, if she wanted.]

Hey, Luceti - it's a lazy sort of Saturday. Now's a good time to share some famous stories from our worlds, don't you think? Does anyone know any famous adventures? ...or love stories?

[What is love? Baby don't hurt me...]

I know a pretty good one. It takes place in the Earth Kingdom, a long time ago, before there were earthbenders...

[She'll just leave that there, not wanting to spam in case of a lack of interest.

Of course, the chances are also good that one of her housemates or friends may decide to claim her attention for something else entirely. So if anyone wants to do that, or bump into her as she runs to the grocery store, or spy on her while she's playing music, this is a lazy Saturday, come as you are sort of deal.]

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[...no, he is going to stick this out. His eyes narrow, waiting.

It's the same impression he's been getting off of her from most of their conversation tonight, and many like it. Something less than disbelief and greater than doubt, hanging off the edge of understanding.]

[Still, she understands his point. He wants her to use it when necessary, to not be ashamed of it, to continue to hone it like any other weapon. But it wasn't any other weapon.]

...do you have any idea what it feels like, to slip inside someone?

[In a way, he does. Several ways. But they're all different, and he doesn't see the need to complicate things by bringing his teammates and their dads into this.

Let her make her point. Go on.]

[She's already been on that particular pony ride. She knows all about Ino, and bodies and minds.]

I can feel your life right now. Your blood. I can feel it in the rabbit ten feet to the right, and some of the fish in the pond - I think over to the left, that's at turtle. It's red, and it's flowing and it's - like its own world. Even an animal's life is sacred, and only to be taken out of need and with respect. For a person, with their own will, their own heartbeat, their own center to be overwhelmed by another force is an invasion. It's dominance. It's the assertion that my life and my will is better, more important, or more powerful than yours.

[It's everything that tore my world apart.]

When I do this - when I bloodbend - [She takes ownership of her actions, saying the word.] - it feels like dipping myself in slime. It's complicated, complex, powerful bending, but it's still too easy for me to do.

Edited 2012-05-23 21:35 (UTC)

[It always stuns him how black and white her thinking is. The only time he can remember thinking that is when he was young, and satisfied that his was a power that could stop people without a messy fight; without hurting them.

And then he got older and found out that doesn't always work. He went on missions and learned new jutsu, and came to admit that while every life is special, there are just some that matter more. You can use your judgement as best as you can, but in the end you do what you have to do.

Katara isn't like that. Katara still has limits. It's not about being and not being a ninja - it just feels wrong to her.

If it were that simple, he could probably leave it alone. But it's more than that. It makes her feel wrong about herself.]

I don't think making things harder on yourself is the right response to that.

Dealing with reality isn't making anything harder on myself. It's exactly what it needs to be.

[No. It's not.]

You're avoiding it, not dealing with it. Setting boundaries for yourself is one thing... but I think it's hurt you so much that you've twisted it into a heavier burden on your soul than it otherwise would be.

[She sighed, resigned and hurting. He's just always going to be pushing it, isn't he. He'll just never think she's good enough.

Well. So what. So she wasn't.

But she wouldn't let him take away what she was.]

I didn't twist anything. I'd be lying if I said that what Hama.. did didn't hurt me, but I don't regret using it on her. I'm not sure yet if I regret using it on you, but I probably will. And that is a way of dealing with it, even if it's not the way you like.

Edited 2012-05-24 03:55 (UTC)

[He tilts his head, unblinking. There's a lot of ways he could respond to that.

He could point out how it is twisting it, but he's already made her reconsider some good can come of it. Leave that be.

He could point out why her method of dealing with it is far from proactive, regardless of his thinking. But all he has is his thinking to back it up.

And he is tired of going in circles with her.]

Don't regret using it on me.

That's not really your call to make.

[She looks down.]

Whether or not you gave me your permission, using it again was my choice, and I have to live with that.

[Heck, she still feels horrible that she used it on their spar. She doesn't feel that it was unjustified, but she hates that she just won because of it. She hates it. She hates that she tread that line for no other reason but winning.]

Edited (lol THAT was the wrong icon) 2012-05-24 04:27 (UTC)

[Just don't.

But she's right, it isn't his call.]

You're right, you do. But if anything good came out of this conversation for it, was it not worth it?

[And he cranes his neck up, to watch the sky again, before going back to her.]

You don't have to answer that. I've exposed you enough for one night.

But I am thankful for the chance to understand what you think about it. If it still bothers you, we never have to talk about it again. If you change your mind, I'll help you. I have other ideas too. [There's a lot of ways bloodbending can be useful outside of the body, he thinks. Vampires. Those who use blood magic.] From here it's all up to you, and I'll standby whatever you choose.

[Depends what you call ''good.''

And what do you mean 'exposed me?'

Firmly:] It never stopped being up to me.

[Because it was her choice to have this conversation. There was nothing you could have said or could have done to manipulate her or force her into staying. Not tonight. The only reason she hadn't asked him to stop, tried to make him stop, or just walked away was because she trusted him. And that was her choice.]

But I appreciate you backing off.

[She doesn't say anything about thinking it over or any other options - they're not as important, in her opinion. And she doesn't know if she's going to do it anyway. Katara makes a habit about not thinking about this aspect of her bending, until the nights of the full moon.]

[He's picked up on that. 8|

But yeah. This is him letting it go. He goes back to his pebbles now.

Deep down, he's hoping that someday she won't.]

[That's a very speaking silence. She glances over at him and sighs.

She looks at the pebbles.]

Don't suppose you'd be willing to part with one of those, huh?

So you can throw the foundations for my awesome castle into the water again?

...maybe. And you don't have enough pebbles there to build a castle.

Yeah. [He's grinning.] Because you threw them in the water.

...

Do you really want to build a castle?

[Yes, that is a lighter note in her voice than there may have been in any part of this conversation.]

[Shrug.] It's something to do.

Then maybe I should get those pebbles back.

[She moves to stand up, and glances over her shoulder at him.]

Come on a walk?

[Yes, that is a small smile.]

[He raises and eyebrow, but flips himself over into a standing position, brushing the dirt off his pants.]

All right.

All right.

[She approaches the edge of the lake and, with a hand movement, parts the waters.]

Let's go find you some building material.

[It is still very cool to watch her do that.

As he follows her down, he finds it interesting that that's his first thought these days, as opposed to what Suiton jutsu this reminds him of. Or how screwed he'd be if those walls of water came down.]

I saw a guy do that in a picture. At the library.

[She begins to step into newly cleared space.

This - this feels good. This feels like the way waterbending is supposed to be used. And she is happy to draw on the power of the moon.]

Yeah?

Yeah. He was getting a bunch of people across an ocean, or something like that.

[He's not really looking at her as he talks, distracted by the fish he can see swimming by one wall.]

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