markofthebrave | [Voice, Action... of a sort] .010

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[Voice, Action... of a sort] .010

Aang didn't come out for breakfast today. When I went in his room to check on him, all his stuff was gone. ...I guess this means he went home, right?

And all the stuff in the kitchen is different - does anyone know how they're supposed to work? ~~Or how they got in here without waking us up, because -- seriously, creepy.~~

[Filtered to Longshot 60%]
Hey - haven't seen you around in a while. How are you doing?

[Filtered to Erza 62%, OPEN to Gaang members]
Hi, Erza! I've got a few questions about magic, and you're the only one I know here who does it. Do you mind?

[Filtered to the Green Lantern 62%]
John Stewart, the Green Lantern. I spoke about it with my brother, and we decided that we were more comfortable if you didn't bring us up.

[As for action? Katara is not going very far today. In fact, she is stuck inside, doing healing sessions with the invalid and making sure he stays in bed, and trying to figure out how all this crazy new stuff works. If you think she'd open the door for you and let you in, feel free to stop by and give the girl ~~something else do~~ a helping hand!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Katara recognized his words as a jab, but she didn't feel the sting. She just felt... hollow and tumultuous at the same time, itchy to move and do something... but that felt like giving in a different way.

She could just continue to sit here in silence... or she could try to back up her words. Her voice is flat.] What do you want me to say?

[He exhales slowly, watching the smoke curl]

Nothing. I don't want you to say anything you don't want to say-- unless you'd like me to leave, in which case I'd appreciate the honesty.

No. I don't want you to go. [The response is automatic and sincere - she doesn't want him to go, but at the same time she doesn't want him here. She can feel the weight of expectation, of being evaluated, and it's uncomfortable and awkward. She started to speak, and so now her stubbornness is gone and she's up against her pride. Her pride that - for all her exasperation of it in others - is like leaning up against one of her ice spikes, cold and pointed, and if it broke the chances were good that it would cut her as she fell.

Katara stands.] I should go check on Zuko. I'll be right back.

[She makes to walk passed him - and she doesn't expect him to be there when she gets back.]

[But Ginko is holding her to her words now, not her expectations. He get up and makes more tea while she's going, resisting the urge to poke around the strange-looking new appliances.

He sits back down, alternating smoking and drinking. Listening to the rain-- emotions far withdraw into some deep inner hollow of contemplation. He'll still be there.]

[Zuko is sleeping. Good. It might have been an excuse to get away for a few minutes, but Katara still takes the water from the basin wraps it around her hand before touching his forehead gently. He's straightening out, slowly but surely. He'll be okay. She takes a moment to soothe the pathway that leads to sleep, insuring that his rest will be undisturbed, before turning to leave.

She pauses in the hallway when she sees that Ginko is still there - and is warmed by it. The small smile on her face is genuine when she approaches. Maybe they're done now and he can just visit.]

Hey. You're still here.

[She takes a seat across from him.]

[He smiles a little, watching her.]

Well, you didn't tell me to leave.

[She picks up her tea and takes a sip. Frowns. Then heats it with a touch.] I didn't want you to. I just thought you might.

[He sighs a little and leans on one hand. Dryly--] I try to time my exits a little better than that.

[She shrugs a little, looking into her tea cup.] Well, I wouldn't know that, would I. There's a lot we haven't talked about.

That's certainly true.

[raises an eyebrow] At least we've discovered that I have a knack for upsetting you.

Heh. [She smiles up at him, quick and wry.] Sokka wouldn't say that took any special doing.

[Should she explain herself? ...Probably.] I know that what you said is true, and I'm dealing with it as best as I can. I'm glad he's home before he had a chance to get hurt here. At least I know at home, he makes it to the end of the war okay. Here... I can barely keep anyone safe.

[She swallows hard and glances down again.] But... we're all just assuming that home is where he goes... and I know I have to believe that... but... [Deep breath.] What you said about him being back there, fight with us... if he's actually by himself...

[Her hands tighten on the tea cup again as her shoulders hunch.]

Edited 2010-03-23 18:21 (UTC)

[He listens to everything she has so say, then sets his cup down decisively, and leans forward on both arms to face her.]

Katara. The only thing we can do in this place is "assume". Assume we're actually here, that we have these wings on out backs, that I'm talking to you right now.

What you just said-- you can "barely keep anyone safe"...what makes you think that's your job? You didn't say trying to keep people safe, or wanting to keep people safe; no single person in the world can truly keep another safe without exception. Your expectations of yourself are so high that when they fall you're the only one who's going to be hurt.

Those "what ifs" that are filling you mind? For one thing-- they are the product of your own worries. For another, there's nothing you can do about them if they are true. You just have to let go, and focus on what you can do.

Because trying to carry the real worries and the ones in your imagination is going to wear you down-- and then you won't even be able to try to protect anyone.

[he leans back again.] You haven't been eating, have you?

[Any of the points that she might have protested are swept away by his last statement, and Katara recoils. She's kept her promise to Sanji. She's made herself eat little things all through the day, even if she can't make herself finish them, she's getting better. But the fact that she still has no appetite - frightens her. She knows she can't do anything if she's weak herself, and just the loss of hunger itself... is disturbing.]

What does that have to do with anything?!

[he leans one one hand, noting the reaction quietly]

Am I wrong?

[his tone, which has been placid all the while, softens into something more personal] I just thought I recognized the signs. [he looks her in the eye] Sometimes, when things...happened, when I was younger-- I wouldn't be able to eat for a long time. Like everything was wound so tight inside that there wasn't room for anything but breathing.

[One hand moves to clasp her other arm in front of her.] No. You're not wrong.

[She takes a deep shuddering breath and meets his gaze evenly.] I'm trying to fix it. But I'm just... not hungry. I just... can't swallow.

I'm sorry.

[but he shakes his head] Maybe the problem is that you're making this just another thing to fix. Your mind is so full it's confusing your body. You're carrying too much inside, Katara-- you need to let it go.

[Katara is mildly exasperated at this and levels a flat look at him.]

Let it go where?

[Believe it or not, she's not trying to be difficult.] What am I supposed to do?

Anywhere but holed up inside.

[he shrugs, looking her thoughtfully in the eye] And I don't know you well enough to answer that question.

[Ouch. Throwing words back in people's faces is unkind.

Well. Now what? She wanted to get better, but... she wasn't exactly sure what, or how... or even if she was comfortable with talking about this anymore. She leans forward and places her teacup on the coffee table.]

The only thing I know how to do is keep moving forward. Just... keep doing what I'm doing because it needs to be done. If you've got any suggestions, I'd love to hear it. I don't want to be this way.

[If she wants to be treated like an adult, she can take responsibility for her own words.

He looks at her, thinking, cigarette ignored between his fingers. He can't criticize that-- it's how he lives his whole life....but...]

Moving forwards? [a pause] Do you really think that's a fair description of what you're doing? Because I think it's your idea of what "needs to be done" that's the problem. Tell me-- in this place, what do you think your responsibilities are?

[Katara blinks. She's never thought about that.] Whatever I can.

[A pause, and feeling that's not sufficient she moves on.] We've all got to try to find a way to get home, right? So maybe I'm not out there trying to break down the barrier and interrrogate the Malnosso, but I've got to keep my eye opened. And then there's just - making sure everyone is safe enough to get home. That means that when Sokka comes up with a plan or Toph starts a defense force, I have to support it - just like if I see someone hurting someone else I need to try to stop it.

And then there's the normal stuff, keeping the house clean and making dinner and washing clothes... training, trying to figure out a way to be useful here without all of my power and with people who can just... absorb it right into themselves.

And when people go off and get themselves hurt... [her gaze flickers over to Zuko's room, and she swallows, remembering Toph...] I have to do what I can to help them get better.

[She's not even aware that she's started to tear up a little bit again.] And I have to try to be strong. Because this is the worst kind of place, where it seems so normal but people are getting hurt all the time -- it's worse than the raids at home. Then at least you'd have the black snow to warn you that something bad was coming. Here stuff just... happens. So someone needs to take care of them and make sure that they don't give up but they don't kill themselves trying...

[She's suddenly made aware of the tears when her voice ends in a ragged sob, and she stops talking and just sits there, trying to stop crying.]

[Aaand he’s made her cry again. Someone else might be bothered by that enough to backpedal—but Ginko only persists. Gently--]

That’s ...a lot for one person to do.

Those concerns are all very real, and you keep saying “someone needs to”—but do you have to be that someone every time? It seems to me like what you can do is very different than what you think you should do. Your body is trying to tell you that it’s reached it’s limit, Katara—and I understand the human body well enough to tell you that with confidence.

You're so strong to have come this far, and I admire you for it—but everyone needs a little help sometimes.

[Someone else would probably try to hug her, too. But physical affection is still a foreign language to him, so he puts all of his warmth into his words.]

And you can shout at me, and tell me it isn’t any of my business—but if you really want to be strong and take care of you friends, you need to start by taking care of yourself.

[She's not going to shout at him - she can't even argue with him too much. Not when he's using her own words... how many times has she told that to someone these past few weeks?

A hand drops down to her necklace. She'd gotten the full story from Zuko back when... then. She was trying so hard to do what needed to be done... but her conversation with Nash came back to her too. Her mother had chosen to sacrifice herself for her. Would she be happy with her now, not even able to eat? How was that honoring her mother's memory?

Something inside her tightened and then loosened with a gasp - and the words that she was about to say 'Because if I don't do it, it doesn't get done' go with it. And then, what Sokka had said to Toph when he thought she hadn't heard...]

I'm not strong.

[His voice had wrapped around her like a hug, but that wasn't the same thing and right now, Katara needed that feeling of being safe. So she launches herself at his side and buries her head against him and cries. But these are cleansing tears, and with each sob that tension inside her eases a little... she can't do it all. She has to take care of herself. And that's okay. Her mom would want that.]

[He wonders what she is thinking when she touches her necklace-- is it an heirloom, maybe? but he sees something unfold from down deep and engulf the protests he was expecting. And when she falls against him it surprises him -- more that she isn't angry with him than anything. But he's getting a little better at this, and this time he wraps his arms around her without a second thought.
Ginko just holds her while she cries-- That's what I meant by flowing away, you know-- without saying a single word. She can takes as long as she needs to, he isn't going anywhere.

When the sobs start to subside and little, he'll curve one hand over her head and say, very quietly]

How could you get so far and do so much, without knowing you were strong?

Edited 2010-03-24 18:02 (UTC)

[Eventually the intensity of her crying eased, and Katara took a deep breath. Ginko smelled of living things, the green of the earth tinged with woodsmoke. She shifted away a little, not quite releasing him but giving herself time to calm down.

The touch and the quiet words soak into her like sunlight, thick as honey. She won't respond to that - on some level, she does know - she knows that she's strong enough to let herself be taken prisoner in order to rescue other people, knows that she's strong enough to become a master bender, knows that she's not the same little girl who left her mother alone with a soldier when she knew something bad was going to happen - but at the same time, when she wasn't in the middle of doing something, of facing something down -- all she could do was hold on to the hope that it would all be okay.

She clutches the material of his shirt for a moment... and now that her crying has stopped becomes aware of something else. Katara pulls away and wipes her eyes.]

I'm hungry. [Have a soft smile, touched with awe.] Would you like anything?

[Voice, Action... of a sort] .010

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