markofthebrave | [ Action, Written ] .052

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[ Action, Written ] .052

[Filtered 100 percent AWAY from: Sokka, Toph, Zuko, Yue, Suki, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Shino, Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Trafalgar, Nami, Sanji, Luffy, Chopper, and anyone else she thinks might recognize her handwriting, despite the pains she's going to in order to disguise it, or show the journal to people she really doesn't want to see this - Raine and Temari and Iroh.

All replies will be written unless stated otherwise. The camera is obscured by a wrapped around piece of brown cloth.]

Do you think that there's such a thing as a power that is wrong, not because of how it's used, but just because of what it does?

[After staying holed up in her room with the door shut - quite an unusual break of habit for her - Katara decides to head into town. She wants to check out that night club that she'd heard about - she heard there would be music!

From there it's the usual errands, like the grocery store and the Item Shop. Dinner tonight will be Something Spicy, but she hasn't figured out what yet. Maybe it'll help get Sokka out of his funk.]

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[Don't snap at him - he'll snap right back, but his anger burns cold.]

It's not normal. There's no situation imaginable where it would ever be fucking normal.

[Katara's afraid all the time. Did you know that? She's almost always afraid.

And it never stops her.

If she needs to snap at him, she will, and no amount of cold anger would stop her. But as it is, when he says that, the tension slumps out of her coil with relief.]

Then what would ever make you go through with it?

[Why would you even say that you would?]

[And he's still wound tight. It keeps him quiet for a while, rethinking a situation he's wondered at several times before.

Finally:]

I don't know if I could. [He simultaneously feels both validated and guilty for saying that.] Not unless there was proof that every single person was involved in something that would make it necessary.

My duty comes to my village first, though. If my father and my mother and my cousins or anyone in my family were putting Konoha at risk, and I was told to kill them, I would do it. [He has to take a pause, to keep his voice even.] I love them all, but if I had proof for every single last one of them - undeniable proof...

Edited 2011-09-19 05:05 (UTC)

I would do it. I can't put their lives ahead of so many others.

[That's what it would take. His fingers ghost over his forehead briefly before he adds something on, quieter.]

It doesn't matter, anyways. They never would.

[Katara closes her eyes in pain.

Proof. Is that all he'd need? Proof shown to him by someone else, proof that could be falsified -

- no, she's not being fair, is she? He'd look into it himself. She has to believe that she knows him that well at least -

- does she? Does she have to believe it? In his world, his shadow techniques were normal, Ino's mind-and-body swapping techniques were normal, and Shino turned his body into a feeding ground for thousands of bugs. He was smart, impossibly brilliant, and she'd long-since learned how easily strategists can view others as pieces, and not as human beings, or as friends. She'd been so wrong before...

I can't let fear determine who I'll trust.

A handful of heartbeats later, as Katara reviews their every interaction. If she's wrong about him, then she hasn't just trusted him with her own secrets - she's trusted him with her friends', with combat information on all the people she's observed...

And that's possible. It's possible that she's wrong. She stares that possibility straight in the face for a long moment, inspects it from every angle... and then dismisses it.

There's just no reason to believe it. If he wanted to lie to her, surely he'd lie to her now, say something a little more palatable, instead of the honest soul-searching she'd just witnessed.

...that doesn't make it any less horrible.]

I'm sorry, Shikamaru.

Don't know what you have to be sorry for.

[There's a beat, and then he finally looks back at her again. He doesn't know... so she should explain that.

It's hard to pin her mindset on this - mostly because he doesn't think she's made up what to do about it in the first place. She has obvious issues with this: her fears, her trust in him, her own moral code.

But the real gray area is the truth about Itachi, and what she plans to do with it. If worse comes to worse, that has to be his biggest concern right now.

He's sorry it can't be their friendship, because that's what he wants it to be.]

[Yes, well, her eyes are still closed, and she misses your nonverbal request for an explanation. How could she explain, anyway? What part would she pick? The part where she's sorry she had to ask you to consider that, or the part where the place you've grown up as honed you into such a horrible weapon that it's something you actually have to consider, or even the part where she is just really, really tired of doubting you? She hardly knew why she said it anyway.

She opens her eyes and turns one hand up in a sort of helpless motion.]

I'm sorry because... if you are who I think you are you just saw that and because... because that's not a war, or even a trial, or any sort of... imprisonment. Even if there was proof, I... don't see why it would have to be done that way. And even if I could see it...

[her voice trails off for a long moment there, and she wonders - is she doing more harm than good, talking like this? this is horrible. if he is who she thinks he is... then he's hurting and she doesn't want that.] ...I think it's inexcusable to order that it be done by someone of the same family.

[If she's wrong, then...

Heh, she already knows what Sokka would tell her to do.]

Mm. [He nods, quiet. He's suddenly not at all in the mood to do this; his head is beginning to ache and he just wants to go home and lie down. He's tired of thinking about this.]

It's not fair, but the hardest things to do usually are.

...and this is the part I mentioned before. [Except he doesn't know if she actually heard him.] There's a lot about this situation that I just can't talk to you about, Katara.

[It's a shame. He doesn't know a lot, but there's things he could say that would make this whole thing so much easier. It's not a strict denial, though.]

The circumstances, the reasons; why they asked him and why he went through with it. I don't even know the whole story, but it was never something I was meant to hear to begin with.

[I didn't say anything about 'fair.'

Inexcusable was so beyond unfair. Inexcusable was reason enough to go to war. Inexcusable was something that, if it had shown up on her shores, she would have stopped, any way she had to.

And now he's hiding behind more secrets.

And she wonders if he's told anyone else, if they all know now, or if he's kept this all to himself.]

...can you tell me why you can't tell me?

There's a lot of reasons. If I had to narrow it down...

For starters, Itachi didn't want people to know. I'm going to respect that. [He's given up a lot already - it was the least he could do.] He's a grown man, and if that's how he wants people to see him, that's his business.

But more than that - and I've given it some thought - it just doesn't make sense to. Knowing will just make things troublesome, and could cause you a lot of grief while you're here. The less you, or anyone knows, the better off you'll be.

Edited 2011-09-20 13:50 (UTC)

[She considers this. Pauses a moment. And then considers this again.]

You spoke to him, then.

[Another, slow nod.]

At the time, it was the only way to confirm if it was the truth.

[She looks down for a long moment, her face clouded. When she speaks, at first her voice is uncharacteristically quiet.]

I'm trying to understand.

[And next her words are almost formal, removed. As if she is trying to distance herself from the equation and all involved in it... or as if she'd spent much of the day saying this same thing.]

I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me what you can.

[She needs to be more specific than that. But at the same time, he doesn't want to press her.]

I can tell you this happened a long time ago. For me, it's been nearly ten years. Back home, most of the people involved in the decision are dead, not that there were many of them.

[It's not something widely known.]

[Ten years doesn't seem all that long ago when measured up to some other things... but for all of those people making that decision to die, something must have happened to them...]

...that's all you can tell me?

Does it really sound like so little? [It's a sincere question. Just think on it.] I've told you before, how big my village is.

[He has more family members than she had neighbors, growing up. His village is the most heavily populated out off all the shinobi villages.]

There couldn't have been more than a handful of people involved, for this to have stayed a secret the whole time. Do you think they'd bother, if they thought the village would accept what they did?

[She told him she was trying to understand. From her reaction to how he admitted he would have to seriously consider such an order, he can tell part of what she's trying to understand is his home, and the mindset of his people.

He told her this wasn't normal. He meant that for everyone, not just him.]

[She frowns at that. Was it possible that Shikamaru just didn't know this part? Or was he trying to lead her to what he thought was the right conclusion without telling her the whole truth?]

They would if they wanted to keep using him. He wouldn't have made much of a double-agent if everyone had known what he'd done.

[The fact that Itachi'd been willing to do this for their village, willing to do this and then still loyal to them to the point of joining another organization and betraying them for the village was one which was equally disturbing.

She knew that their village used mind-controlling techniques.

She wasn't sure of the extent of them. Joo Di had been extremely loyal.

She wasn't sure 'loyalty' was the right term. It still seemed more like insanity to her.

But at least - at least she thinks if anyone had done anything like this to Shikamaru or Chouji, she would have picked it up one of the times she was healing them. Their chi patterns had seemed normal, not blocked or pinched like when Jet had been under Dai Li influence.]

They would if they want to keep any of their shinobi. This is about more than what they ordered Itachi, and what happened to the Uchiha Clan. Maybe not every shinobi would be as outraged as you feel, but it would stir up a lot of fear and distrust. We can't work together like that.

What happened that night was huge. It effected everybody. [He still remembers the funeral - so man names of people he never even knew, and a dark-haired boy standing all alone.] This is the sort of thing that drives countries to war.

[If it had been anyone but Itachi, anyone that wasn't from their own village, there would have been war.]

[She thinks about that. And she takes time to think about it.

He sounds pretty sane, anyway. At least she probably doesn't have to worry about brainwashing.

But as it is, there's more that she doesn't understand. Why would it stir up fear and distrust? Shikamaru seemed confident that they'd had a good reason, if it's even possible for such a thing as a good reason for this kind of act to exist.

Because every one of them would wonder if they'd be given the order next. And every one of them would wonder if they had to do the same thing, would they be able to?]

I think I see.

[She barely keeps in a bitter comment about how their village wouldn't want to impair their efficiency.]

Do you?

[Again, a sincere question. He doesn't want to leave her unsure... at least not as much as he has to.

But his hands are tied, on a lot of this.]

[A hesitant nod.] It would be hard for families and teams to work together if they were always wondering if they were going to have to kill each other. Or if someone else had just been ordered to kill them. So even though they might be asked to at any time, it was better for those in charge to lie to you.

[He nods slowly. She gets it.]

With the lives we lead, we're prepared that we could die any day. At the hands of a comrade though... besides the problems it'd cause, it's scary to think about.

That's part of the reason why I can't say more on this. Not just because it's a huge secret, or because this is how Itachi wants things to be. I try and think of how it would make Chouji and Ino and everyone else I know from home feel... and I'm not going to put them through that. It's not worth it, not when we're all going to leave here someday and forget it.

[And here it was - the clincher. She senses what he's going to ask of her and... she is by no means ready to give him the reassurance he wants yet.

She does her best to pause here, to phrase as questions what she ardently believes should be raised as a banner.]

You don't think it would be better to talk about it and decide what you'd do instead? How can you think it's better for all of you to live not knowing that this is what could be asked of you - when it's not something that any of you would want to do? If the people in charge of your village are secretly going against the heart of the village, then why should you still listen to them?

It's like I said before - almost everyone involved in what happened back then are dead now, if I'm right. The ones left don't have that authority. Our current Hokage - our leader - I like to think she wouldn't take the same course of action-

[...actually, scratch that.] No. I know she wouldn't.

['If I'm right.'

She appreciates his confidence. She'd like to take him at his word. But as she's said - she's trying to understand. There's so much more riding on this than if she keeps her mouth shut about Itachi or not. She knows what Sokka - what even Aang would tell her, what Hakoda would tell her if she'd told them all that she knew about these, her friends. They'd want her to get up and walk away and not look back - and let that be her final word. Nothing. Silence between them forever.

But Katara was never one to go along with any decision she didn't wholeheartedly agree with. Her tone isn't confrontational, it's probing. She really is trying to understand.

Her heart feels heavy.]

What makes you so sure?

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