markofthebrave | (no subject)

[This isn't one of those secrets where he'll be accusing her of keeping him in the dark. He crosses his arms, looking away as he processes it. He'd always been convinced he and Suki were meant to be. But then Aang showed up. And somehow... it had been different. Like Suki had seemed less sure. Aang was more surprised by their engagement than he should have been. It was off. His idea of what was meant to be? May have not been meant to be.

And now it was Katara. It was easy to tell that she didn't love Aang like that. She'd been struggling with Masaomi's feelings, something that still angered Sokka. And then there was this. But it wasn't just dating anymore. They would have kids. And grandkids. And everything for the rest of her life was written in stone.

No. Everything for the rest of another Katara's life. It was hard to claim the lives of other people. Not when he didn't feel like he was the Sokka that Aang and Toph left behind. And even if Katara denied wanting to keep this world, he knew it couldn't have been that different for her. He finally looked into his sister's eyes again.]

But you don't love him.

[She shook her head, abjectly miserable.]

Of course I love him. He's Aang. I've always loved him.

[Her hand goes to touch their mother's necklace.]

I just don't... think I love him the same way he loves me.

[She closes her eyes as they fill with tears again. They'd spoken about this, and he was so good, but... but.]

Or the same way he loves the me that he's dating in the future.

[Emotional, more loudly, and even defensive:] I just don't know!

[That. That is hard. He can't try and say he knows what that feeling is like. Only that he fears Suki one day coming back and feeling the way she does.

There's a moment as he stares pensively down the hallway, to the room that once belong to Suki. Now it belonged to a little girl, who contained the roadmap to all of their futures. Is this what Roku felt like? Knowing that no matter what he did, his future was already decided. For better or for worse.]

You don't have to. We're here. And everything's different. Whatever our future is back home? This isn't it. So we don't have to pretend and play along with what's supposed to happen. Aang will be fine without you. And you'll be fine without him.

[Would he be fine if he gave up his earthly attachments? Would he be fine if he didn't have her to anchor him? She'd never thought very highly of herself in terms of... world importance. She just did what she had to. But if Aang thought so highly of her - and he was so, so important - than maybe...

...is she fine without him? Just being around him makes her feel like she's sharing a burden instead of carrying it on her own. There isn't a day when he doesn't make her smile or laugh. He's someone she trusts implicitly, without any reservation. He'll always come back. He'll always try to do the right thing. She knows it deeper than her bones.

And he'd only proven why that was tonight.]

He's not pushing me, Sokka. Not - at all. He's not even trying to get me to like him like that. So you don't have to worry about that.

I'm not. [He has a hard time picturing it. Aang is just a kid. He may be fourteen and while by the standards of their tribe, it would be the age he could prove himself a man, he can't escape that way of thinking. Sokka knows that he's a man now. And that for better or worse, his sister is a woman. And the thought of them together... well, it's weird. Oogies. That's how he'd describe it.

But he doesn't think it's wrong. Or bad. What was it he said when they left the South Pole together?

"Let's go save your boyfriend."

The thought of them one day marrying and having kids and one day Ikki being born? It was a nice thought. And it made home seem something that he wanted to get back to that much more. It's not Aang's intentions that bother him. And while Aang may be feeling a sense of loss that Sokka can so clearly understand, he knows that Aang has the security of knowing that his Katara is waiting for him. So no, his concern isn't for Aang and what he is trying or not trying to do.

It's his sister. The one who always wanted to make things right, no matter how hard or reckless it is. Except this time, she's not fixing something wrong that someone else did. It's not saving a town or changing someone's mind. She is the wrong one. And he knows it must be killing her to be like that. And that inevitably, she feels like she has to be the one to fix it.]

But you shouldn't be trying either.

I'm not.

[That might be said a little too quickly, and it's lacking that dullness - and gaining a thick note of pain.]

I'm just trying to do what's right. I can't make myself feel something. That wouldn't be fair to me, or to Aang [Masaomi] - or to anyone else.

[Do what's right. As always. He closes his eyes, leaning back into his seat.]

So. What's right?

[I'm... not sure right now.]

I... thought the best thing to do would be just to not date anyone. I told Masaomi he had to stop and accept us just being friends, and I asked Aang if we could start over.

[But Aang's in love with the me who isn't here, and I started liking Masaomi, and now I have a granddaughter.

She shifts focus a little, because this is all so painful and raw.]

Aang said we'd just explain to anyone who came from the future that right now we weren't Granpa and GranGran, but just Aang and Katara, and I think that's right. We'll just explain that relationships are in different stages.

[Masaomi. It bothers him that he even gets mentioned. Because it doesn't need to. They talked about this before Aang showed up. Does that mean Katara had developed feelings for him?

Which meant Aang was standing between that. And he felt selfish for at first being okay with that.

But he shook his head anyway.]

That's not right. You're letting what Aang and Ikki remember decide everything you do and who you are. Maybe you're different than the Katara they know, but do you think she just let her entire future be decided for her? She made it for herself. You should be doing that too.

Edited 2012-07-05 23:48 (UTC)

[Oh, that ticks her off.]

I can't just unwrite history, Sokka! And our future is Ikki's past! What am I supposed to do, not accept the truth? That's not who I am.

[Not where he thought that would go. But fine.]

You can't unwrite history. But this is our future. And no one is going to tell me what mine is going to be. I don't care what this place shows us.

[He abruptly stands up.]

So don't let anyone tell you what yours is either.

[People have been telling her her future since she got here, Sokka. 'We're going to win the war;' 'You're going to hunt down your mother's killer with Zuko;' 'You're friends with Zuko now;' 'The invasion is going to fail;' 'Azula is going to go crazy;' 'Everything is going to be okay.'

It's something she's held on to for nearly three years. She's going to go home. She's going to help win the war. Just make it through, and you get to go home where the war is won.

She can't change her outlook on that just because what she's learned further in her future is... unsettling.

As he gets up, she meets his gaze, though she'd like to look away.]

All I have right now is my present. And with my present, I choose to do what I can to protect my family and friends.

[It was different back then. Back when he had nothing to lose. It's selfish, but he wants Katara on his side. Even though she might never be.]

What does that have to do with it? [This isn't about protection.]

Sokka...

[Now she does look down.]

He loves me. [It's said with a sort of helpless bewilderment.] He loves me.

[How could I even think about being with anyone else when it would hurt him so much?

I couldn't. Not unless I loved that other person as much as Aang says he loves me.]

[The tension goes away. He got caught up with defending his own position, that he hadn't expected anything to give. He falls back into his seat. Quiet at first.]

Then he'll understand.

[And then he'll accept it. Because love isn't just a choice. And it's rarely convenient.]

It's not that simple.

[She's not sure if she should say more.]

I know that.

[He's lost two girlfriends already.]

[She closes her eyes.

Did Aang ever tell you about what the guru wanted him to do?

No, she can't say that, even if she wants to, because she can't betray Aang's confidence like that.

So she shifts her focus.]

So what are you saying - that you think I should go out and date someone else?

I'm saying you should just do what makes you happy.

[Because really, that's mostly what he wants for her. But it's not something she'll let her have for herself.]

If that means dating someone else... well, a date isn't forever. Whoever you end up with, you shouldn't have any regrets going into it.

Edited 2012-07-06 17:15 (UTC)

[She feels a strange sensation of both release at his words - he's not disappointed, he's not mad - and a tightening of the knots in her stomach. Because really, what this was all was about was about not hurting anyone. Not making herself happy. And she didn't know if she would change that even if she could figure out what her path to happiness was.]

Sokka... no matter who I choose here, even if it's just temporary, someone I care about is going to get hurt, and someone important to me will feel cut off from me. I can't do that. Even if I knew how I felt towards Aang...

[She just shakes her head.]

And now I have to think about how that would affect Ikki.

So you're trapped. Like Yue.

[Or Katara has let herself be trapped. And he's not talking about her choice to become the Moon Spirit. He carries on, being blunt and to the point. Not gentle. A summation of the situation as he sees it.]

Your future has already been decided for who you'll marry. But it's not what you want. But you think you have to do it because of other people.

[And it's not right. Because that's the Northern Water Tribe. That's not what they do.]

[She's stung, for reasons she doesn't fully understand.]

I'm not marrying anybody! I refuse to believe that my future self would get involved in a relationship that she didn't want. I don't feel the same way about Aang that he feels about me - [she thinks? she's pretty sure. it's so confusing.] - but that doesn't mean that in the time he's from my feelings haven't changed.

[She's got more to say, but I have a feeling Sokka may wish to interject here, so--]

[Is it really you future self anymore?]

That doesn't have to stop you. Aang may be young, but he's not just some little kid. Things are different here. And you can't protect him from that forever.

[They'd had this argument before - upon approaching the Southern Temple. She'd agreed with him then, only to pull back at the last moment. She can't even bring herself to try to agree.

It's all too much.]

I know that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try.

[Nobody should have to be as messed up as I feel right now because of me.]

[He sighs. She's just going to do this to herself. No matter what he says. She's stubborn and always has been. But this time, she's going to torture herself to do it.

And all he can do is watch.]

So that's it.

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