markofthebrave | [ Action, Some Journal ] BACKDATED to the 11th .059

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[ Action, Some Journal ] BACKDATED to the 11th .059

[On April 9th, Katara had been told that she was an "error," and doomed to die by a boy with the face of the man she loved. As you can imagine, the rest of the day was not spent cheerfully; rather after wandering about for some time, Katara returned home to make dinner and then quietly excused herself to write some letters, and then bend into the early morning hours.

On April 10th, the sun rose on a Katara who was entirely herself, and the sudden onslaught of memories drove her to her knees. In the early hours of the morning, she wept beside the river, feeling inside out and torn apart and lost... eventually she returned to her room in order to sleep the sleep of the deeply exhausted.

She did not wake until April 11th. This was another slow day, where she read the letters her other self had written and decided not to give them out, ended up seeking some unlikely advice, and generally stuck to her schedule, feeling... strange.

But today? Today she woke up feeling a little more like herself. It was a Thursday, which meant meeting Nami for bo practice after school (which she... finally got back to attending, sorry Professor) and then made dinner. She may glance through the journal a bit more than normal; she may even contemplate attempting to contact someone, and... eventually, she does make two locked posts:]

[Written | Private to Robin]
Hey. I know you'll probably say you're fine, but I just wanted to ask how you were doing.

[Voice | Private to Wolfwood]
Do you have a minute?

[Later that evening, she'll be practicing by the river, under the light of a waning moon.]

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[She closes her eyes. There's comfort in this, in this simple contact, and she lets herself receive it.

Aang, I'm scared.]

[Aang continues to hold her, feeling powerless. He can't think of anything he can do to help her. After several moments of silence, he leans his head closer and whispers softly into her ear.]

I can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to face this alone.

[Despite herself, she shivers a little at the whisper in her ear - the closeness of that gesture always resulting in making her aware of the whisperer. She closes her eyes tightly - how many times has she said this to Aang?]

No.

[She pulls back.]

No, you shouldn't have to see this. I'll be fine, Aang.

[She reaches up to brush her tears away.]

Really.

[Just like that, his arms were holding air. He felt a shiver throughout his body as she spoke to him.]

Katara... are you sure? This doesn't... none of this feels right. Please.

[He stands there, afraid, with tears running down his cheeks, afraid that once Katara is out of his sight she will be gone for good.]

[Really, the sight of him like this strikes Katara to the marrow.]

If you like, you can stay here and bend with me a little while longer? I don't really feel like talking, but...

[...she bites her lip and offers him honesty.]

I don't... really want to be alone, either.

[Something like a smile crosses Aang's lips, but it is one is weighed down by sorrow.]

That's fine. I just want to make sure you're... you're... as comfortable as you can be. I won't say a word, unless you want me to.

[He only briefly steps towards her to lightly peck her cheek. Aang then turns to face the river and begins streaming the water while letting his eyes flow freely. And he makes sure to keep Katara in his eyesight even through the corner of his eye.]

[Even as broken as she is, Katara can't help but mark the confidence with which he moved to kiss her cheek and comfort her.

He's growing up.]

...it doesn't hurt, you know.

[It's not that kind of pain.]

I don't think it does. I... I was able to sleep through mine. But I can remember lots of feelings of hurt and confusion after I... [He resisted saying "Other Me" for her sake.] faced the truth.

...I'm sorry I had to put you through that. I shouldn't have said anything.

I think it was for the best, Katara. [Stupid me. Way to pile guilt on top of everything else she's feeling.] I... think that me was able to come to terms with it eventually. I just know that last night, I slept peacefully.

Well... I'm glad to hear that, at least.

[She smiles at him, a new, slightly more genuine smile. She'd done this to him too - and at least he knows how this feels.]

[He looks towards her when she smiles, and it gives some spots of warmth to his heart. Even the smallest positive effect felt like a victory in this situation. He smiled a bit while he smoothly streamed the water back and forth.]

[After a while of just... enjoying someone else's (Aang's) presence during this time, Katara gets to the point where she'd almost be willing to talk about it... but. She's leaving the other Katara with enough of a mess, if everything she's learned about "her" relationship with Masaomi is true, and Aang... she doesn't want to burden him. It wouldn't be fair.

She doesn't want him to go, but... she doesn't want him to have to see her towards the end, or after the... change. She's not going to be able to contain her emotions, and the least she can do is keep from hurting him by not allowing him to see her in that kind of pain.

So she stops bending, streaming her water into the river, and turns to face him.]

Maybe you should head back now. It's getting pretty late.

[The water silently recedes into the river, and Aang turns to face her, almost paralyzed by fear.]

If... if that's what you want, Katara.

[She closes her eyes and exhales lightly in pain, those words striking some very real memories that... hurt.]

Aang, you don't have to do what I want. I just... think it would be better, that's all.

[But she's not trying to make it so that you have to bend over backwards for her... like she's having a horrible fear that--

"You keep me balanced, Katara. You're everything I love about the earth in one person."

--he might have been. Moon and stars, how can she even face him?]

[He looked down at the ground, resigned. His voice was barely audible, devoid of any mirth.]

Okay.

[He slowly stepped forward and hugged Katara one more time, the tears flowing anew. And he slowly choked through two words for her.]

G...goodbye, Katara.

[She accepts the hug and then pulls back, her hands on his shoulders.]

Don't be sad.

[She smiled at him, though her own eyes were watering. She wanted to fight to keep this, to fight to keep him, to keep Masaomi, to keep her life--

But Aang wasn't the Aang she remembered. Masaomi... didn't know her at all. And... this wasn't really her life.]

Everything will be okay. Tomorrow, you'll have the Katara that you remember back and... [her smile contorts to a suppressed sob] she'll always remember how you came to stay and be with me. So don't be sad.

[Aang felt his body being drained of life as Katara pulled away. Her words were reassuring on a level, but Aang couldn't get past the fact that he was seeing Katara, even if she wasn't the Katara he remembered, for the last time. He opened his mouth, trying to say one last thing to her. But he couldn't get the words out. It took everything he had to begin stepping away. And he found different words as he did so.]

Thank you... for everything. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more.

[A different Katara might not have let him go. A different Katara might have wanted to face this with him, with her brother and her soon-to-be-sister, and her friends and Aang.

But that Katara hadn't just had her heart broken and rejected by the man she loved. That Katara hadn't had Aang pull away, months ago, after Ba Sing Se. And for either Katara... it was still so beyond-belief that Aang was really here... it was hard to know how to deal with him.

Except she wanted to protect him. That hadn't changed.

She turns from him so as to not watch him walk away. Her voice is quiet when she responds.]

You did help me, Aang.

[This was enough to bring the hint of a smile to his face as he walked away. But Aang still felt like he was walking away from the right thing. Like he had failed more than ever. And for the whole walk back to his house, one thought was echoing through his head, multiplying perpetually and struggling to break free.

I love you.]

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[ Action, Some Journal ] BACKDATED to the 11th .059

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