Katara (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
markofthebrave) wrote2011-12-10 08:47 pm
markofthebrave) wrote2011-12-10 08:47 pm
Entry tags:
- action action action,
- lol - yeah,
- messing with a little girl's dream,
- ohgawd here it comes,
- out and about,
- run into her anywhere,
- she comes from a small community ok,
- she loves this weather,
- she'll love this...,
- there are no better excuses for this,
- things can always get worse,
- voice,
- well this will be fun
[ Action, Voice ] .055
[These decorations have been up for a few days now, and while at first Katara thought they were pretty they have now succeeded in making her grumpy. Yes. Very grumpy. Grumpy enough to make a post about it, in fact.]
How do they expect us to sleep with all these lights in our window? I've put a double curtain over it, and the light is still keeping me awake. Does anyone have any ideas?
[You might catch some muttering about: "Moving to sleep down in the basement" or "It's not too cold to camp out in the forest" before the journal shuts. She'll get back to it in a little bit, she just needs to finish making the grocery list.
Once she finishes with any replies that she may receive, Katara heads into town. The lights really are pretty. And so are the wreaths and the snowmen and the... unfamiliar sprigs of green over the doorway to the grocery store really kind of... isn't. Why is that even there? Katara pauses underneath it to examine it more closely...]
How do they expect us to sleep with all these lights in our window? I've put a double curtain over it, and the light is still keeping me awake. Does anyone have any ideas?
[You might catch some muttering about: "Moving to sleep down in the basement" or "It's not too cold to camp out in the forest" before the journal shuts. She'll get back to it in a little bit, she just needs to finish making the grocery list.
Once she finishes with any replies that she may receive, Katara heads into town. The lights really are pretty. And so are the wreaths and the snowmen and the... unfamiliar sprigs of green over the doorway to the grocery store really kind of... isn't. Why is that even there? Katara pauses underneath it to examine it more closely...]
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A stab of guilt runs through her heart, and she instinctively knows it's a precursor of things to come, if she lets him, if she lets him... he's her friend. She doesn't think of him this way - she doesn't. And he doesn't think of her this way, not really. Despite the way he looked, despite what he said, despite the steady pressure and the heat of his hands on her body...]
Masaomi, I--
[Katara ducks her head and looks away, blushing. She presses her lips firmly together. And when she speaks next, her voice is strained.] This isn't normal.
[She really, really wants to kiss him right now. Her lips are practically tingling with want, despite her best efforts her body is straining towards him. But using him - lying to him - and just as bad, being used? Oh, she doesn't want that. She doesn't want that at all. She wants to stay his friend and please don't let this be--]
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And he says the next part in a horse whisper:] Godammit.
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Masaomi?
[She just wants everything to be okay. She doesn't want to hurt anybody, she doesn't want to be hurt...
...and she should really try to step out of his embrace, because that urge to lean forward and press her lips to his? Yeah. It's still there. But her heart is weighed down with the knowledge that there's something that isn't right... and if she doesn't feel that way, she shouldn't want to kiss him.
...even though she really wants to kiss him. And at this exact moment, she couldn't tell you what she feels.]
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It's an earth custom where you kiss someone under it. Someone you like.
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What?
[Because that plant? Yeah, it's still forgotten. She's more concerned right now with him, and how he won't look at her and... she'd done the right thing! Then why did it hurt so much? She hates to see him like this.]
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Mistletoe, that is.
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The instant he leaves the circle of mistletoe, the urge to kiss him leaves. The need to comfort him - to make everything all right doesn't.
...neither does the curiosity. Just then, she'd been forced to look at him as someone who was more than a friend. Just then, she'd been made to wonder...
She tries to move past it. It's not necessary, it's not what's important right now. He is, and this thing that did this to them...
She glances back up at the plant. With the relief she feels not to look at him, it almost feels cowardly.]
You mean this thing made us feel like that?
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[His head is still hung as he says that. It's an admonishment, a correction. A simple one because, really, fuck it. who cares right now? He's heartbroken, he might as well go the whole mile]
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She did not just hear that.]
What?
[Her heart starts to beat more quickly again, sounding out dread. If he didn't mean it, she didn't know if she could forgive him. Not for joking like this - she refuses to be just one more girl he flirts with, and playing with her heart like this...
But she looks and him and she sees him and moon and stars, if he means it then...
...oh, then what does she do?]
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[And he lifts his head. And it has... this expression, basically. there's not inflection in his tone]
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She's never had any reason not to believe him when he looked at her like that.
Katara swallows hard and searches for words. She wants to deny it, she wants to remind him of who he is, of who they are...
But she can't. Not when he's looking at her like that. Because she believes him. And even if she wanted to, she couldn't pretend not to understand. He doesn't deserve that. And she won't hide.
Her eyes are wide, and her emotions are written plainly in her gaze, both her startlement and her sudden understanding. And the fact that she is suddenly, and very clearly, completely lost.]
Oh.
[That's breathed out between barely parted lips as this new knowledge realigns her understanding of the universe. But she doesn't look away from him.]
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So he just stand there, dully. Keeping a level, flat gaze. He knows he should smile, he should reassure, or possibly should even flee, but his body is not obeying any of those commands right now]
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He's not saying that he likes her or that he wants to be with her - he's not really saying very much at all, except admitting to wanting to kiss her. Which is... okay, something Katara has learned is that not all kisses come with commitment and feelings and the things that make kissing a mark of deep affection. So he could just be admitting to... that. Which would make sense and stay right in line with the way Masaomi treats girls...
But that doesn't feel right. It feels like an excuse the minute she thinks of it, and the thought barely has a chance to plant seeds in her heart when she rejects it because - Masaomi wouldn't do that. Not like this.
A protest from her past rises up in her memory: Jet wouldn't do that.
But... this isn't the same, at least, she doesn't think it's the same. She thinks. Everything is all muddled, Katara doesn't know what to think or feel... she just has this horrible feeling that she's hurt him, that she has no choice but to hurt him, and that's the last thing she wants to do. She just wants everything to be all right.
Her mind is rapidly pulling in connections, trying to see things differently, determine a way to go... she takes a half-step closer.]
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
[Even though she's not sure what she's admitting to now knowing.]
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Of course she didn't. Of course she wouldn't - he knew this. He discussed it with Shikamaru. He knew this was coming. But it still stings, somehow, through his great void of numbness. Which is why after he all but flinches at her initial response-]
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Of course you didn't know.
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2/3
These past few months, ever since August, she's been in a tailspin of hurt since the people she cared so much about had left. Starting with Chouji who - oh, what would he say if he saw this right now? - and then Derek and Sanji and Chopper and Ginko... she cared about them, all of them, and did they know it? Did they remember, where they were, when they came back, that she still loved them? There was never any way to be sure. There was only and ever right now.]
.../sob 3/5, I think
I'm sorry. I don't know a lot of things. I don't even know, really, what you're saying right now. [And she shakes her head there - no, don't talk, she's not done.] But we can figure that out and what it means later because... you're my friend, Masaomi. [And then that shade of hesitance covers her face again - she really doesn't want to hurt him.] And I've never [a quick intake of breath, and she changes directions] I've always thought of you that way. And I don't want to lose that.
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[She looks back up at him, still uncertain but determined.] But this place takes a lot of kisses from people, even if they don't really mean it and... [rambling, Katara, come to the point.] ...and it's not fair that it would make me kiss so many people who don't care about me and not make me kiss one person who... [hesitant glance] ...does.
done!
What I'm trying to say is that I care about you. And that I would regret not giving you a chance to... [change her mind? show her that he cares? She doesn't know. But she knows that she doesn't want him walking away from her miserable, and she knows that she's curious now and... things can't go back to the way that they were. So why should she pretend otherwise? Why shouldn't she give him a chance?
All the same, saying this is hard and - weird - and she drops her gaze for a moment, her courage nearly failing her.] So if you want to... [so much blushing] ...just this once... it's okay.
[And she steps right out of the circle of the mistletoe to come and stand directly in front of him. In front of the grocery store, no less.]
1/ ???
[His smile breaks because his eyes lightly widen. He has no idea how he is supposed to react to that. Friend = Kiss = ... what?]
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He still pretends. He still pretends she was his, and pretends that he can remember "when" that was the case. A when that never really existed.] Ah, or maybe not...
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Lean closer to her.
She still doesn't understand what he meant. She might be intentionally doing that, or it might just be a shock? It could be a shock, he might have surprised a lot of girls who don't understand him. He'd wished she wasn't like that but even so there was the fact that-
his arms straight to raise
-she is fro a very different set of standards than his own. That whole modern versus not-modern had gotten him in trouble before, with Frey, and with Kaori-chan and some other people. It was certainly something to consider when it comes to Katara. After all-
His arms go to her waist again, gently. Hesitantly.
-There was her and there was Saki. But him and Saki has broken up a while ago so there wasn't really a factor, was it? His expression still isn't as joyous as it should be in the moment, still conflicted, still a bit confused at her own reaction.
And he holds her.]
done
His other arm reaches up under his chin to tilt her head in his direction and he leans in again. This time, though, the closer her gets the more he has a small, light, smile And he closes his eyes as well before, well, going in for it.
He doesn't presume to make it deep or last long, or anything. It's not a peck, he just intends for just a light, and in his opinion meaningful brush of their lips. That's all he needs
right?]Re: done
...but he's smiling in a way she hasn't really seen before. And her heart warms. And... yeah, this is right. She sees him close his eyes, and when his lips touch hers she closes her own. Her heart beats quickly and...
Oh.
And very lightly, she kisses him back.]
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1/3
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