markofthebrave | [ Action, Some Journal ] BACKDATED to the 11th .059

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[ Action, Some Journal ] BACKDATED to the 11th .059

[On April 9th, Katara had been told that she was an "error," and doomed to die by a boy with the face of the man she loved. As you can imagine, the rest of the day was not spent cheerfully; rather after wandering about for some time, Katara returned home to make dinner and then quietly excused herself to write some letters, and then bend into the early morning hours.

On April 10th, the sun rose on a Katara who was entirely herself, and the sudden onslaught of memories drove her to her knees. In the early hours of the morning, she wept beside the river, feeling inside out and torn apart and lost... eventually she returned to her room in order to sleep the sleep of the deeply exhausted.

She did not wake until April 11th. This was another slow day, where she read the letters her other self had written and decided not to give them out, ended up seeking some unlikely advice, and generally stuck to her schedule, feeling... strange.

But today? Today she woke up feeling a little more like herself. It was a Thursday, which meant meeting Nami for bo practice after school (which she... finally got back to attending, sorry Professor) and then made dinner. She may glance through the journal a bit more than normal; she may even contemplate attempting to contact someone, and... eventually, she does make two locked posts:]

[Written | Private to Robin]
Hey. I know you'll probably say you're fine, but I just wanted to ask how you were doing.

[Voice | Private to Wolfwood]
Do you have a minute?

[Later that evening, she'll be practicing by the river, under the light of a waning moon.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aang, don't be scared. [She pulls away a little to look at him.] It's just part of the experiment. I'm... somehow, I was effected too. And it's going to wear off tonight.

[Despite herself, she trembles a little.

I am going to have to leave you all.]

That's all.

You... you were affected too? [He looks away, his eyes still wet.] Then I'm... an idiot. I failed you already. We made those promises to each other. Just this morning. I said I'd be there for you, no matter what they'd do to us. And I didn't notice anything was wrong! [He kicks angrily through some grass, facing away from Katara.] I'm sorry, Katara. I let you down already.

[Katara felt an unfamiliar surge of bitterness. All she had wanted was to come out here and prepare to... disappear with as much strength as possible. But Aang had followed her and now, not only had she ended up hurting him, but she had to put her own problems aside to comfort him.

Why couldn't you have left me alone?]

[...

She walks over and puts her hand on his shoulder.]

You didn't let me down. You came out after me. No one else would have done that, Aang. I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who's... going to have to go.

[She tugs on his shoulder a little, in order to try to get him to turn around.] So why don't you tell me what the Katara you know is like, so I can know if you'll be okay when I... go.

[The Katara I know?. A new set of tears swell up as he considers this concept. As well as the concept of any version of Katara facing a death-like fate.]

You shouldn't be sorry. It's not like you have a choice in the matter, Katara. You were forced into this, just like I was forced into being a Robin who didn't know any of you!

[It's rare he felt this aggravated. But it was also rare that any other forces played such particularly cruel jokes on both him and the one he loved the most.]

[But he calms himself as she pulls on his shoulder, her warmth always being the natural cure for his ill feelings, and he turns to face her a much sadder monk. He looks into her eyes and sees the same eyes that welcomed him when he awoke from the iceberg all those times ago.]

I think... that every Katara is the Katara I know. You're compassionate, you care for everyone, and you're always looking out for me. You keep me on task and you also goof off with me. You let me know when I'm starting to not be myself anymore. And you stop me from doing things I'll regret in the Avatar State. Without you... I would have either died while trying to hide from the Fire Nation or lost my heart and everything I am fighting them. You keep me balanced, Katara. You're everything I love about the earth in one person.

I don't know what they did to you. I don't know what's different in your life. If you're the same Katara who brought me back to life when I actually died at Ba Sing Se. Or if you're the same Katara who danced with me in a Fire Nation cave. Or the one who solved the riddle of the Cave of Two Lovers with a kiss. But I know... I know that no matter how much they changed you, you still started off as the same Katara.

You're the daughter of Kya and Hakoda, right? The last Waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe? The brother of Sokka, who loves meat and sarcasm? The girl who woke up the Avatar and without whom the world wouldn't be saved? The girl who... [he chokes on his words a second] went penguin sledding with me? Katara is Katara, no matter what. I know this is hard for you, but... you'll still be Katara tomorrow. The Katara I kn- love.

[He meekly trails the last word out.]

["You're everything I love about the earth in one person."

Oh Aang.

Katara feels what's left of her heart surge - he really felt this way? he'd been so distant... - and then break all over again.

I'm sorry, you were too late. I wish...

I hope she feels--

She can't bring herself to wish it, remembering Masaomi's palour, and how she had loved him, could she wish her other self on Aang instead? Oh, she wanted to, she wanted Aang to have everything he wanted, but... Masaomi.

She feels her eyes fill with tears.]

[...I never remember you dying. Dying - moon and stars, dying? We never danced in a Fire Nation cave. But...

Katara moves to hug him again.]

And I'll always do my best to be here for you.

[There is some small comfort that... whoever she was leaving with him would at least care for him with all that she had.]

[He sniffs a bit and receives the hug tenderly. He once more grips her tightly, as if she would be whisked away at any second.]

You don't have to tell me that, Katara. After everything we've been through... even when both of us have were... different... I know.

[She closes her eyes. There's comfort in this, in this simple contact, and she lets herself receive it.

Aang, I'm scared.]

[Aang continues to hold her, feeling powerless. He can't think of anything he can do to help her. After several moments of silence, he leans his head closer and whispers softly into her ear.]

I can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to face this alone.

[Despite herself, she shivers a little at the whisper in her ear - the closeness of that gesture always resulting in making her aware of the whisperer. She closes her eyes tightly - how many times has she said this to Aang?]

No.

[She pulls back.]

No, you shouldn't have to see this. I'll be fine, Aang.

[She reaches up to brush her tears away.]

Really.

[Just like that, his arms were holding air. He felt a shiver throughout his body as she spoke to him.]

Katara... are you sure? This doesn't... none of this feels right. Please.

[He stands there, afraid, with tears running down his cheeks, afraid that once Katara is out of his sight she will be gone for good.]

[Really, the sight of him like this strikes Katara to the marrow.]

If you like, you can stay here and bend with me a little while longer? I don't really feel like talking, but...

[...she bites her lip and offers him honesty.]

I don't... really want to be alone, either.

[Something like a smile crosses Aang's lips, but it is one is weighed down by sorrow.]

That's fine. I just want to make sure you're... you're... as comfortable as you can be. I won't say a word, unless you want me to.

[He only briefly steps towards her to lightly peck her cheek. Aang then turns to face the river and begins streaming the water while letting his eyes flow freely. And he makes sure to keep Katara in his eyesight even through the corner of his eye.]

[Even as broken as she is, Katara can't help but mark the confidence with which he moved to kiss her cheek and comfort her.

He's growing up.]

...it doesn't hurt, you know.

[It's not that kind of pain.]

I don't think it does. I... I was able to sleep through mine. But I can remember lots of feelings of hurt and confusion after I... [He resisted saying "Other Me" for her sake.] faced the truth.

...I'm sorry I had to put you through that. I shouldn't have said anything.

I think it was for the best, Katara. [Stupid me. Way to pile guilt on top of everything else she's feeling.] I... think that me was able to come to terms with it eventually. I just know that last night, I slept peacefully.

Well... I'm glad to hear that, at least.

[She smiles at him, a new, slightly more genuine smile. She'd done this to him too - and at least he knows how this feels.]

[He looks towards her when she smiles, and it gives some spots of warmth to his heart. Even the smallest positive effect felt like a victory in this situation. He smiled a bit while he smoothly streamed the water back and forth.]

[After a while of just... enjoying someone else's (Aang's) presence during this time, Katara gets to the point where she'd almost be willing to talk about it... but. She's leaving the other Katara with enough of a mess, if everything she's learned about "her" relationship with Masaomi is true, and Aang... she doesn't want to burden him. It wouldn't be fair.

She doesn't want him to go, but... she doesn't want him to have to see her towards the end, or after the... change. She's not going to be able to contain her emotions, and the least she can do is keep from hurting him by not allowing him to see her in that kind of pain.

So she stops bending, streaming her water into the river, and turns to face him.]

Maybe you should head back now. It's getting pretty late.

[The water silently recedes into the river, and Aang turns to face her, almost paralyzed by fear.]

If... if that's what you want, Katara.

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