markofthebrave | [ Action, Voice ] .060

[ Action, Voice ] .060

[Katara hadn't been sleeping well to begin with, the moon was full and bright and her blood was restless - at least, that was her excuse. The truth of the matter was that ever since Masaomi, and then Aang had confessed, she hadn't known peace. It was manifesting in shallow sleep, in more determined than genuine cheer. So when the moon woke her - it was so bright tonight, like one of Luceti's streetlights - she tossed and turned futilely before getting up.

She dressed quietly, making sure to take the 'holy water' waterskin, and walked along the river. Though the way she was feeling, the holy water would be the last recourse if confronted with the vampire. She felt like unleashing the full power of the river on something. Her neck prickled, restless, tense, practically itching for the excuse to focus all her agitation into a fight, a sanctified, no holds barred clash of water and strength and agility, a focus, a clarity so that she wouldn't have to worry about her torn heart, or the hearts of those she loved anymore.

She'd go on a mission, if she thought it would help. But she didn't want to have to kill anyone. And Aang was here. ...and she especially didn't want to have to kill anyone while Aang was here.

Eventually, she reached the Southern Lake and stood, staring at the moon and its reflection for long moments. The serenity of the scene failed to soothe her and with a loud "HAH!" she shifted form and tore a burst of water straight through the surface of the lake until it towered as high as the trees before she abruptly pulled it back and up, catching it before it crested the edge of the lake and turning the raised water into a thousand smaller drops.

She felt a little better, until she noticed all the lakeside creatures she'd stirred to life with her childish display. Lightly ashamed of herself, she moved to sit by one of the slides she and the first Toph had constructed, contenting herself with shattering the lake's serenity with a handful of pebbles every now and again.]

[After a late night out, Katara slept in to nearly noon this Saturday... morningish. It felt good. She didn't have a shift in the Med Lab today, so today was a day for... errands. Study and maybe some time on the koto and running into town to make sure she had as much as she needed for dinner, but... she also had time to address the journal, if she wanted.]

Hey, Luceti - it's a lazy sort of Saturday. Now's a good time to share some famous stories from our worlds, don't you think? Does anyone know any famous adventures? ...or love stories?

[What is love? Baby don't hurt me...]

I know a pretty good one. It takes place in the Earth Kingdom, a long time ago, before there were earthbenders...

[She'll just leave that there, not wanting to spam in case of a lack of interest.

Of course, the chances are also good that one of her housemates or friends may decide to claim her attention for something else entirely. So if anyone wants to do that, or bump into her as she runs to the grocery store, or spy on her while she's playing music, this is a lazy Saturday, come as you are sort of deal.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What you don't see is the sticky trap that lies there, that will turn your kindness into a curse.

It's not that which has hurt him most before. It's the secrets those he considers himself closest to have kept from him in their hearts. [He counts the names slowly off his fingers.] It happened with Saki, it happened with Mikado... probably that other friend of his as well. Anri. And those are just the ones I know about.

Whether he understands it or not, that we're not like that is probably something he's drawn to into us.

[She paused for a moment and processed that, then looked straight into his eyes.]

Are you telling me you're not keeping any secrets from him?

[He knows about Itachi?]

When they're my secrets to give, no, I'm not. I don't tell him things you confide in me.

[Misinterpreting that, yup. Still, Konoha's secrets don't fall in that same category.]

I didn't think you did. But someone else's feelings for me aren't my secrets to tell either.

You're twisting things. You have no reason to share the exact circumstances, but that they love you is hardly a secret, even beyond you telling me.

[...he really hopes you don't make him explain that one.]

No, I'm not twisting anything. I don't feel comfortable sharing something that private with either one of them when they hardly know each other. And anyway, I think you're wrong - the fact that his friends kept secrets from him isn't what hurt him the most. It's the kind of secrets they kept which hurt him. I'm not starting a rival gang or pretending that his actions hurt me in ways which they didn't. I'm just not telling him everything about how I feel.

[He shakes his head again.]

[...sigh.]

What?

Big things like that? That's what bothers us.

[Saying it that simply won't do for her though, would it? He needs an example.]

...when people were signing up to go back to their worlds for a day, I asked him a favor. It wasn't just that I needed to get back to my world - had it worked out, he and I would have shown up in the middle of a war meeting, while the village was on lockdown. I warned him things could get ugly - worst case scenario, he could maybe even die.

I gave him the chance to back out more than once, and he never did. That's the kind of guy he is. You could murder someone, Katara, and he would stand by your side because it's you. But if you didn't tell him?

[.....]

Trust me. It's the secret itself.

Edited 2012-05-14 06:43 (UTC)

[...so that's where he was supposed to go.

She's respectful of that kind of loyalty, the kind that's extended in necessary circumstances. But she doesn't need someone to hold her coat while she murders someone - that kind of loyalty is misplaced. She doesn't want that from him. She respects that Shikamaru sees a side of him that maybe she doesn't see. But she thinks that isn't the whole of it.

She meant it when she said that anything she told Masaomi, he'd try to use to build a bridge to her with - and she can't have that anymore, not with Aang here. But that isn't her only concern. How would he react to a threat to their friendship? How would he respond to learning just how upset she was by this situation - by his feelings, and by what he might have started to make her feel in return?]

Shikamaru, the last time I got angry with him, he threw himself down four flights of steps.

He's a dumbass.

[And he means that in the fondest sense of the word.

It's not that he doesn't get what she's saying. Masaomi's responses can be stupid extreme sometimes, in a way that drives him nuts. Too his credit, he does seem to consider this before he speaks again.]

Thinking you can prevent him from doing stupid things by avoiding those conflicts? That's like expecting a bull not to charge because you're a vegetarian. If he's ever going to grow out of that, he needs to do it on his own.

[...]

Let me get this straight - you want me to tell him something that risks him not only harming himself, but potentially going after Aang in ways that I hope he wouldn't be dumb enough to make physical but could risk destroying any chance of a frienship that they have, something that will just result in him pushing me harder, just because you think he's uncomfortable with me having a secret?

He won't go after Aang.

[...actually, this is the part he's only fifty percent sure on, but CONFIDENCE. This is the key to selling this.]

He already suspects he likes you anyways. I want you to tell him this because it's better that it comes from you.

[He already suspects--]

How is it better that it comes from me?

Secrets. Whatever happens, the result will be better if you're open with him.

[Katara exhales in frustration and closes her eyes. It doesn't take long for the pain of what he's saying to register with the possibility of doing this, and it doesn't take long for that to resonate with how hurt and upset she's already feeling.]

Telling him means I'd have to tell Aang. I am not ready to do that. I just got him back...

[I hate this so much.

She steels herself and speaks without opening her eyes.]

It would be better if Masaomi did get disappointed in me, moved on, and found someone who can actually return his feelings.

[...one thing at a time. He'll come back to Aang. He speaks gentler now.]

Coming from the woman who said she wants to protect him? That isn't like you.

[There the go with that 'isn't like you' again. She huffs. Why not? Why can't she be as weak as she feels for once?]

Of course I don't want to disappoint anyone, but what we want doesn't always match up with reality. If keeping things a secret is that horrible to him, then that disappointment is inevitable.

[She opens her eyes and stares at the full moon.

She's not inclined to let anyone know about that particular ability.]

But encouraging him to move on and find someone who will be able to be with him? That's just wanting him to be happy. I can't do that.

[Really, she's almost talking as if she doesn't have a choice anymore.]

[She's right, but for the wrong reasons. If Masaomi wants to be happy, he has to take those steps himself.

He's not sure if she would take it the intended way if he said as much, though. And it detracts from the point.]

So... let him figure it out on his own, and just be his friend. Those feelings will pass.

[And he follows her line of sight to the moon.]

[The irony of sitting with Shikamaru while he attempted to convince her to tell a secret did not completely escape her. She continued to stare at the moon.]

Being his friend doesn't mean telling him everything.

[If it did, you would be in so much trouble.]

[Again:]

I never said everything. Just what they need to know.

[Dryly:] Your definition of 'need to know' was just 'whatever secret he figured out you were keeping.'

That was the reason for telling Masaomi. All I said is that you don't have to tell them the exact set of circumstances.

'Need to know', we can leave to your judgement.

[...when did he say that?

She sighs.]

Shikamaru, isn't this whole conversation about you questioning my judgement on what they 'need to know?'

[But she glances over at him and smiles a little, inviting him to find humor here, not dwelling in the fact that he's questioning her in the first place.]

...heh. Woman, I don't doubt your judgement. You just need to look a little deeper sometimes.

[He grins, and what he says next will sound like a quote.] Look underneath the underneath.

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